October 1, 2011

The Why's

It is a weekend and I am sitting at home, just relaxing; procrastinating for the most part. A lot of thinking, obviously. Random things cross my mind, from future plans to what happened years ago. Most importantly about now and my reactions to certain things and people. It is very interesting to observe yourself isn't it? But hard to admit it to others when asked the same question(s). I keep convincing myself that I can be alone for the most part and I am successful at it too (I think). But there are times when I wonder why? At some other instances I know the answer too, which is hard to put in words. Bare in mind being alone does not equate to being lonely...

Another thing I can never figure out is what I want from my life. What am I doing? Seriously, I mean where am I headed, what is the goal if any? Why just keep doing 'things'? Keeping yourself busy sure does pass time quickly, rather extremely swiftly! But if you stop and not do anything then it becomes increasingly difficult to while away time. So is that a good enough reason to keep yourself busy all the time? Just to pass time quickly? Seems very quantitative. Whatever happened to quality of life. However, if I do keep some time aside for 'nothingness' what do I do? Should doing something be that important?

Meditation seems to be the ultimate answer to things, a way out from daily rut. But why do I just keep talking about it like some "oh-so-know-it-all-person" and not actually meditate a bit everyday? Is the busy, hectic, engaging, time consuming, exhausting college life a good enough excuse? Besides, an excuse for what? Its not an assignment I need to submit to someone that I need to give an excuse (authentic or not). Its for my sake that I want to do this. So technically I should "make" time for this priority. Does everyone think like this, for whatever priority they might have? Why is the human brain so amazingly complex?

I think I am just writing non-sense. So I will stop. It felt good to type some crap anyway. :)